Dream to Sleep.

Could everyone just please take a look at what time I posted this. K, thanks. That is my problem exactly. I know I really wanted to focus on crazy ideas about revolution in Latin America and all the stuff I’m really interested in but I have a feeling that this blog is going to be a mixture of how I’m feeling, what is going in my life, and other thoughts on the world (including revolution!). I guess one could look at revolution in a number of ways…Body? Mind? Soul? and in several different contexts.
December 16: I wake up at 4:30 AM after being up until almost 2AM to go to the airport for my little San Francisco adventure. I know it is my own fault that I only got like 2 ½ hours and it was worth it because I was up with friends on one of my only nights left in Seattle. Can we just talk about my adventure? Haha- well I defiantly had a positive attitude because I got my passport and it was really easy to get around SF due to BART, their amazing public transport. When I was done there it felt like it was all a dream. Did I really just go to SF then home again in one day…not even a day a matter of hours? Yes, Yes I did.
December 17: I get to go to México! I’m excited to get out of blustery old Washington however the feeling is bittersweet. I’m surprised that I only cried once about my living. I thought I would be a total mess. Maybe it was because I was coming here and knew that I had just a bit more time before I was off living a new life in a different country. I had to wake up at I think 5AM today and actually went to bed around 12AM so a good five hours! But what I was really looking forward to was laying in my bed in Mexico and sleeping for at least 12 hours or some ungodly amount of time. Nonetheless, I forgot that this was impossible due to the fact that my lovely mother and I get to share a room. OH WHAT FUN! Sometimes I really forget how much I hate this part of my México experience. I don’t think it bothered me nearly as much when I actually lived at home but now that I have been off on my own.. Without being mothered for 3 years now it feels really weird.
Anyways, I was really sleepy last night so I got into bed and listened to my i-pod and read. It was nice. I think it was around 8 PM Seattle time that I decided that this would be the plan of the evening. I’m reading a really interesting book entitled Ivan Illich In Conversation by David Cayley. You all should pick it up.. Illich has some really interesting ideas about life. ANYWAYS, I keep drifting in and out of sleep with the sweet sound of the Avett Brothers coming in and out of my brain. Then I take my i-pod off and proceed with this whole sleeping concept.
My mental notes of the sleeping process:
1) I’m not used to how hard the pillows are and regret not bringing my own- what if there are hard pillows in Ecuador? Haha- ok I know that is like the stupidest thing I could worry about but it was really something that crossed my mind.
2) I left my shoes in Gillian’s room. What to do? I begin plotting a way for my beloveds to return to me.
3) I realize that the blinds are open and think… Oh shit I have been living in a hole for the past six months. The sun is going to wake me up. I proceed to get up and close the blinds then get back into bed.
4) Light?? Is it really morning. I look to my left and see that my mom is reading… Wow, is she really trying to read as I sleep? Oh yes she is. I ignore it. This happens several times throughout the night. I almost start feeling bad for her because she is awake as much as me and wonder why the hell she doesn’t just take a sleeping pill to knock her out.
5) I hear the rustling of the blinds… Why are they being opened? I made damn sure to close them. I know it and so does my mom because she was in the room when I closed them. I proceed to ask her what she is doing. “I want to watch the sunrise.” Well, that’s just peachy mom but could you do it somewhere else? I’m sure exactly what I said but I believe it was along the lines of “I just closed those blinds because I knew I couldn’t sleep with them open.. CLOSE THEM!” Doesn’t happen. I try to go back to sleep then I get really worked up with how much disrespect my sleep is getting. Doesn’t she understand that this is my room too? That she is sharing it with me and that I deserve the same amount of respect that she does. She just as easily could have gone downstairs on the beautiful patio and watched it there… But no, she wanted the convenience of her bed to watch the sunrise. How nice. I get up go to the bathroom and she proceeds to open her suitcase like this whole thing was no big deal. I confront her, she gives me a sleeping mask and thinks the problem is solved. What if I don’t want to sleep with a sleeping mask? I just want to sleep like a normal person does. She is not normal. No one goes on vacation and wakes up at the crack of dawn. NO ONE. Unless you are my mother. I know that my mother’s idea that she deserves more respect than me because she is the mother will not subside over this predicament. But I make a clear point (rather dramatically in my brain) to jot down in my mental notepad that when I have kids I will try to find that equal balance of respect. Where I try to understand where they are coming from instead of ruling out their feelings because I am the mother. Not to say my mom does this all the time… she is usually quite understanding, open minded, and respectful. But when it comes to sharing a room, something that she and I have not done in quite sometime it is hard for BOTH of us to find that respect.
In the end I realize that we are just trying to figure out how to live with one another again. That this may not be an easy process at first, especially because we have to share a room but it will always be a learning process! Thank God that I can come to this realization instead of being mad all morning. I think I will go running and then hit the pool. Maybe I can take a nap later on?